Saturday, 14 January 2017

Blog Paper's 1st Annual Slightly Late New Year's Address to the Universe

Another year has passed, another festive season is over and quickly becoming another faded memory of extra calories and arguments over why we have to let Grandma watch the Queen's speech when it clashes with the Doctor Who special on the telly. As we roll, generally jaded,out of 2016 into 2017 it is very important to look forward to looking backwards as a rather unpleasant year disappears over the horizon. After all, when you look at how horrible somethings have been for many people around the world, at very least whilst it may fill you full of sympathy and compassion, it makes you realise your life isn't as bad as all that really.

It is important to remember how lucky a lot of us have been this last year. I thought of this as I toyed with the new iPhone I had received from Santa. I had been a very good boy this year as was evidenced by my lovely new phone. I think that the incident with next door's fish tank and the oscillating electric fan last summer might have been held against me but somehow I must have got away with it, However, as well earned my gift was on the good boy stakes, I am still a very lucky soul. Many out there in the world are not lucky enough to have been given an iPhone. Thousands around the world, due to their mitigating circumstances, have only a Samsung Galaxy to play with. Imagine the hardship they suffer as they wake up on Christmas morning to unwrap an S7, the joy spreading across their poverty stricken faces, only to have it wiped off again when they find themselves missing three fingers because the phone blew up when they were playing Angry Birds.

We should also turn our thoughts towards those who have been affected by war last year, one conflict in particular was prevalent in the minds and hearts of many. We saw the tragedy of friends being torn apart, how soldiers who once stood together on the battlefield can become bitter enemies. The ravages of a simple disagreement rip apart teams of valiant men and women who only days before shared the bonds of and extended family. On the plus side, however, the bit with Spider-man in it was really good.

Every year that passes should be a learning curve for everyone, not least us here at Blog Paper Publication and Laundry Services. If there is one thing that has entered our book of life lessons learned in 2016 that I would impart to you is this :-

Never, under any circumstances, let the internet know that you really liked the Ghostbusters reboot unless you want people to refer to you with some very rude words some of which you may need to look up in the dictionary. Some may even feel the need to write you a very personal e-mail all in red with the caps lock on.

Not all lessons have to be made from negative aspects of life. Last year, budding directors and screenwriters a like were taught if you a have a pretty shoddy movie to make but you throw in scenes of a saucy lady in hot pants bending over every five minutes, your audience will be throwing buckets of money at the box office to get a look at bit of saucy bot cleavage. Plot, style and content can all be thrown out of the window.You don't even have to have cohesion between scenes! Genius! I guess this is nothing new (I just wanted to get in a sly wink to Suicide Squad so I can legitimately put a tag in for it on this post).

However, overall here are the most important life lessons we have learnt that we will carry with us through 2017:-

Never look a gift horse in the mouth, if you bought the horse yourself you can look in it's mouth whenever you like.

You should never smile at a Crocodile, especially if you have been eating broccoli in case you have some caught in your teeth.

The Grass is always greener on the other side, so grow tall shrubs in the front garden to block the sun from the neighbours lawn.

If it ain't broke then don't fix it, unless it is poor grammar skills. I had a friend with bad Grammar skills, he could never remember if he played Frasier or Niles.

Never beat around the bush because you may end up barking up the wrong tree out of curiosity and end up killing a cat.

Never the twain shall meet because they live too far apart and the bus routes are poor.

All this said the most important thing we have learnt that we can impart to you today is this. Never take two weeks to write an iffy blog post that you meant put up on Christmas Day.

Happy New Year to you all! Have a wonderful 2017.
 Much Love.